My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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