i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
