my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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