I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
