I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You can't motorboat a personality
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
