You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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