You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
