party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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