What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
