I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
actually, I'm a sock model
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
