so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
