We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
