is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
