also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
