Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
