The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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