Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
