is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
