Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
