Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
