I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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