I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
