If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
