Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize