and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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