Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
