have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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