hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
