I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
