Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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