we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
