In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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