I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
