Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
