I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
