Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
