Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
