Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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