i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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