when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just had sex on a roof
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize