I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
