i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
