Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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