It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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