You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
