Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
