She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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