even my farts smell like vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
