Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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