she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
