You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
