you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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