If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You are the jesus of drinking
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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