I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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