I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
