I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
