im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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