K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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