I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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