Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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