He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
