My nipple is on Facebook.
Someone shit on the floor
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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