just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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