I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
