fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
