New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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