Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
