girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
