So drunk its hurt
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
