If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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