Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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