girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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