I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
